Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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