I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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