Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
