I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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