I think I am morally bankrupt
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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