just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
