The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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