apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
