everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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