Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
