Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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