so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
