We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
