Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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