I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
