I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
