In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
