Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
