More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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