1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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