At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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