I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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