Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
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then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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