I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
