did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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