and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
