Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So. Much. Porn.
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