You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize