I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
