Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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