I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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