At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
