oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
