Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
