I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
