Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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