D3 body, D1 cock
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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