Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I look better un-naked...
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I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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