I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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