The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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