I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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