If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
