im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
