three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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