I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
