you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
