Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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