Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize