Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
