i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've blown a few things in my day
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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