Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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