I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
