I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
