He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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