1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
