i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
