Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
love makes seman taste better
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
