The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
