Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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