Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
