Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
