you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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