If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
