Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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