Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
