Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
