she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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