Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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