We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
