Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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