watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
