Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
