I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
