did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
