i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
