just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
