Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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