didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
