I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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